Moms, Deserve Vacations, Too: Eight Ways Mom Can Get a Break On a Family Vacation.

 

The headline reads: Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties in Closer Proximity to the Ocean.

This article appears on the Onion, so it is, of course, meant to be satirical. It might even be intended to be humor. But, it’s not funny. It’s the truth for many moms who head out on vacation with their families. You might have heard that parenting never takes a vacation, and never is that more obvious than when you are at a vacation destination working just as hard as ever.  Parenting chores are irrespective of locale. If the kids are there, the work is there, too.

So, is there any hope for moms who want to go on vacation and actually feel like they had a vacation?

Yes, with a little pre-planning and a bit of putting your foot down and refusing to do it all.

Tip #1: Do some of the grunt work ahead of time.

Like most moms, I get to the end of the day and getting dinner on the table is as daunting as climbing Mt. Everest. Why do these people keep expecting me to feed them? Didn’t we just eat? Can’t you just grab a box of dry cereal and multivitamin and call it good? 

The same questions, only with more desperation, come up while we are on vacation. As much as I would love to just eat out for every meal and call it good, big family + big bill = not in the budget. We usually rent a vacation home or condo and put our savings into eating from the kitchen, but if I am not careful, that means I spend my vacation behind the stove.

To head off this horror at the pass, I like to be prepared with meals that are already cooked or at least mostly prepared. This can mean either one marathon cooking day where I pull together all the meals for the vacation, or doing a double batch of dinner over the course of the preceding weeks to stock up on meals.

~Instructions, Ingredients and Inspiration for how I fed my family for eleven days, saved $600 and never had to heat up the stove~

Tip # 2: Teach Those Kids a Lesson

Kids don’t come into the world knowing how to do anything that is really useful other than make us laugh when we want to cry. All of the really useful tasks- like packing- have to be taught, step by step, using graphics, with a power point presentation, and M & Ms for bribes. I know it seems easier just to run around and grab all the socks and underwear yourself, but that’s a short term gain. Think of all the happy (stress free) vacations you want to have in the future and invest now in teaching the kids to pack their own bags.

A simple notecard system with a list of items combined with a marathon packing afternoon is all it takes to get the job done. Bonus: this type of packing will even work for the prolific chore allergic child. It’s like a scavenger hunt where the reward is one mom who isn’t frazzled to the point of meltdown.

One last note of encouragement: kids will never rise higher than the expectations of their parents. If you don’t like the output you are getting from your kids-expect more!

~Use this notecard list method to teach kids how to pack step by step~

Tip #3: Many (Little) Hands Make Light Work

Let me just be straight. If you aren’t assigning tasks to the kids during your vacation, you are depriving them of the opportunity to be a contributing part of their family (and the opportunity to learn not to be little punks.) Think of the children! Give them a job! Everyone in the family should have a task that they are responsible for each day.  Feel free to go all Martha Stewart and write in calligraphy on a color-coded board, or hit the easy button and just write it on the back of each of the little darling’s hands while the sleep. The point is that everyone works and everyone plays.

Tip # 4: The All-Important Family Meeting

In our house, the family meeting is just code for “Mom’s gonna lose her religion if something doesn’t change soon!” Starting out a vacation with a “family meeting” is a good way to make sure everyone is onboard with the idea that mom isn’t going to do it all. (Pssst, this is a particularly good way to get reluctant/oblivious significant others to engage in the mayhem.) As a family, discuss the importance that everyone help out. Go ahead and assign those daily tasks now and make sure everyone has a say in how they want to help. Write down what needs to be done and keep everyone accountable.  Go ahead and plan to have a mini-meeting every day of your vacation, not only because there will be a religion-losing moment every day, but because it will help you address the day to day schtuff.

Tip #5: Get and Stay Organized

It’s the getting organized and staying organized while on vacation that is the undoing of most moms. Can I get an amen? It’s not surprising. All the “where’s my swimsuit” and I can’t find my underwears” are crazy making. The time to put a stop to most of this is to take care of it before your feet ever leave your front door. I think the best way to pack to keep things organized is the good old fashioned, but slightly ghetto ziplock bag method. Group clothes by the person and the type (shirts in one bag, pants in another) and throw them in the suitcase. This completely eliminates the need to go suitcase diving to find that one pair of pants or socks and makes it so much easier to pack up when it is time to go.  By the way, if you are road tripping, I highly suggest that you pack your clothes by the day rather than by the person. Life changing, I tell ya.

~Packing by the day rather than by the person has revolutionized the way I road trip. I'm just mad I didn't discover it sooner.~

Tip #6: Take Time to Yourself

Before you get so desperate that you scrawl a shaky note of surrender to the concierge, plan to take some time to yourself to recharge. The key here is that you have to actively plan this time. If you don’t, the little people will just keep finding you.  Fortunately, many resorts have kids clubs and babysitting services that should make it easy to get some S.O.M (Save our Mom) time, but even if that is not in cards, you can still carve out some “me” time on your big fat family vacation. Buy the kids a pay per view movie and have a glass of whatever on the patio with your spouse. Plan to spend the evening strolling around the hotel or sitting in the lobby with a new book while the kids sleep. Book the bathroom for a two hour soak and silent treatment with your favorite tunes and someone else to watch the kids. Just make it happen. Make it a priority.

~Shhhh! No one knows I'm in here~

Tip #7: Devise a New Discipline Plan

Kids can pull off any kind of model citizen behavior for a week when a novel system and a boatload of rewards are on the line. You can use that to your advantage by devising a new discipline plan while on vacation. I like to mix it up to keep the kids excited, but I have done everything from allowing kids to earn souvenir money for not annoying the fire out of each other in the car to encouraging them to fill a giant jar of M & Ms which we then used on a fun sundae bar. The point is, you know your kids’ currency, so exploit it! The kids will most definitely be on board and you will get a week of behavioral bliss (more or less). Just don’t expect it to work at home.

~If Bribery offends you, turn away now. If not, keep reading~

Tip #8: Restructure Your Expectations.

A little mom dictionary redefining is in order here. I would like to offer a new entry to the Webster's Dictionary according to Mom. A vacation is a method of travel in which you leave behind your troubles and responsibilities for a time of total relaxation and rejuvenation (and you totally deserve a vacation: book immediately!) A trip is a method of travel in which you bring along your troubles children for a time of constant activity, exploration, and possible exhaustion. 

This might be an unpleasant realization, but just like your stretch marks, you can’t wish it away. Kids are a whole package, and they change the parameters of just about everything, including travel. The choices are simple, but not simplistic. You could stay home, where the kids will still drive you crazy, but the chances for new experiences are virtually zero. You could take the kids on a trip and have a rotten attitude about how they are ruining the relaxing part of the experience for you.  Or you can surrender ( much like you did with the stretch marks) and accept that taking kids on a trip means less relaxation for you- and that’s okay! Instead of focusing on how much beach time you can get, instead spend those moments giving everything you’ve got to filling those little lives with happy memories. In return for emptying yourself completely, you will be repaid in belly laughs, sing at the top of your lungs-athons, and irreplaceable family memories.

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