It is a single-minded passion and purpose for travel that brings around 700 travel writers together at an elevation of 9000 feet in Keystone Colorado. But, even though we have gathered, road worn and weary, from every corner of the globe with this particular purpose, as soon as we are assembled, we begin to disperse into groups based on perceived similarity. It is phenomenon that happens in any group of people, but a conference like TBEX 2012, is a petri dish for this typical human behavior.
Whenever we are thrust into a new group situation, without prompting or conscious thought, we begin to sort people into appropriate boxes. Then, we shake those boxes to further catalog people into size, color, and usefulness. Sounds pretty barbaric when you break it down into such oversimplified terms, but step into any conference center, or high school reunion, or middle school orientation and tell me you don’t see it happening.
~The one and only picture I took at TBEX. Bad, bad blogger~
This travel conference was composed of possibly the coolest group of adventure seeking, risk taking, open minded, life livers ever assembled in one space, and still human nature overrode our overdeveloped sense to not judge a book by its cover. We just can’t help it, no matter how sophisticated we think we are. Humans are hardwired for compartmentalization. We analyze. We assume.
We do a lot of assuming based on outward appearance, but what’s worse, as we learn more about each other we use that information not to broaden our view, but to further narrow it. Think about the questions you ask when you meet someone new: Are you married? Do you have kids? What do you do? Where do you live? We filter those answers into a complex dichotomous key in our brain, and our past experiences and present biases help us spit out an algorithm of assumption.
Let me use myself as an example. Answering the simple questions that are flying around the conference room gives the basics of my biography. As soon as I open my mouth, everyone knows I am from the south. (I’ve tried hiding it, it doesn’t work.) Then they learn, I am a mom of four boys who I homeschool, which means I must be a stay at home mom (a title I wear with pride above all others.) I have been married for 15 years and I am 33 years old. (I’ll do the math for you and tell you I was 19 when we married.) I had my first baby when I was 22 years old and continued to have babies for the next decade.
Now, just for the sake of science, use those simple facts and see if you can conjure up an image of what kind of person I might be. What do I look like in the categorizing part of your brain? Be honest: you are probably seeing someone a little like Michelle Duggar, right?
~This is one side of me: Reading with my boys~
While all those things are a part of me, they aren’t the whole story-not even close. If you dig a little deeper, that’s where the real story lies. But, that hardly ever happens in a casual conversation, because as soon as the first details are known, the person is pigeonholed and the box is closed.
Family travel is like that. There is an entire breadth and depth of awesomeness to family travel if you dig past the surface assumptions. But, people don’t want to look past the mere appearance. They hear “Baby on a plane” and they immediately have a visceral, scream and run the other way panic attack. Or they consider overseas travel with kids, but then quickly reconsider, citing children’s need for structure, familiarity, and three metric tons of gear to keep them occupied. All of a sudden, you find yourself pigeonholed with the assumptions that family travel is just too darn hard. Finding out few more details only serves to make it worse. Liquids aren’t allowed on planes? We have to pass through a nakey-scanner that can see the holes in our underwear? Forget it! I was right! This is too hard!!!
So, how do you get past the surface assumptions? Well, first you have to admit that some part of them is true. That’s right; stereotypes don’t create themselves. Some part of them is founded in reality. It is without a doubt stressful to take a baby on a plane. Taking kids overseas does require a flexibility you can’t find at home. Security is every bit the personal assault pain it seems to be. But, is the whole story right there in the assumed value that appears on the surface? Hardly.
I could give you all kinds of good, noble, inspiring reasons to travel with your family, but I'll just keep it simple. Here’s my challenge: If you’ve never traveled with your kids, dare to try it. Ignore the daunting assumptions, rife with obstacles and what-ifs and just dive in. Maybe it will be a huge mistake and you'll have to scrap it all and come home. Maybe it will be a something you save for a different time in your life. At least try to get past the presuppositions just once-because if there is anything worse than the limitations we put on each other, it's the limitations and assumptions we accept about ourselves. If you’ve never even tried to get past the obstacles, you’ve judged the book by its cover, and in doing so, you may have missed the best story of your life.
I love this philosophy! Helping me get over my assumptions is one of the greatest benefits of reading travel blogs and having friends who travel. My friend and I were saying how we'd love to visit Angkor Wat in Cambodia, but how would we do it with kids? The very next day, I came across a post about parents who brought their toddler there, and most importantly, made it sound perfectly reasonable.
Moving overseas was a big leap of faith for me. I really struggled with the what-ifs and potential obstacles. But I'm so glad that we did it. And interestingly enough, everyone assumes I'm a local.
Great article, and you bring up some great points. Unfortunately it is so easy to pigeonhole people/travelers, and I think with conferences like TBEX it can be magnified because we're so used to thinking in terms of niche. I'm a solo traveler, and you're a family traveler, that sort of thing, but even a blog niche isn't the whole story. The answers to those standard questions (where are you from? what do you do? etc) are just one piece of the puzzle, but not the whole thing. Reading travel blogs, including a lot of family travel blogs (despite the fact I'm single with no kids) has shown me that there isn't a typical type of family blog or family traveler. I'm glad your showing people that their assumptions and impressions of family travel aren't always right.
Thank you so much for another usufel input. I sent the list to my parents, who are coming over here help me taking care the coming baby. This will help them so muck to catch up with the baby items in the modern days.Keep writing!
Alouise makes a good point. If we move out of our niche just imagine how much more we can learn from each other, because the biggest niche we are all in is travelers, whether we bring kids, travel just for the food, or to interact with the locals. As a "family traveler" I do all 3 and I know you do too! Each is just a piece of the puzzle. And having FINALLY met you in person at TBEX, I can totally vouch for your very, very un-Michelle Dugger like persona, not to mention amazing style 😉
This is a great post. We only have one child, and have never traveled anywhere that we couldnt' get to by car (mainly because of the price), but even still I'm amazed at how many people seem to think that even that isn't doable with children. My son was 4 months old the first time he traveled over 1000 miles and has done so over a dozen times since then (he's seven). Counting the states we've driven through, we've been through 18 states with our child. Counting the ones that we've actually spent more time in than just driving or an overnight stay on the way to somewhere else, it's down to 5. But there are several kids in his class that have never even left North Dakota.
I only took two pictures at TBEX in Keystone. It was such a packed time, I didn't think about it.
Awesome! First, your boys are adorable. Second, I love that you admit that it does get harder. I fought that for so long and added misery from my denial. It absolutely does get harder, but if you can roll with it and look for the places to make it easier on yourself, there's no reason ever that you should have to stop getting out and seeing with your kids coming right along behind you. Love it!
I love this, Jessica! I’ve had the “travel bug” lately and can’t wait to go somewhere new with my family – after two trips to Califoria with two sick kids (both times) in one year, we took most of lat year off. But next year I hope to take them somewhere awesome! I feel inspired after reading this.